sifting through the bombardment

This week brought with it a series of minor but (at the time) catastrophic breakdowns followed by a couple of much needed (although poorly timed) nights off. Mostly brought on by chemical shifts, coping with a series of disappointments, plus that general “blah” feeling I always hit mid-fall semester when the days get shorter, beginning and ending with large swaths of darkness. Coming out the haze has been a bit cold and a bit sobering. I find that law school is very much like an extended exercise in treading water. Sometimes I get tired and fall beneath the surface, only to eventually come up gasping for air, and then to start treading once again. I can attribute my return (however brief) to sanity to some thoughtful insights from Mom and Jeff and a couple of much needed school-related extensions.
I have until the end of the month to write the first draft of my article. I need that time to think about how some new research is going to impact my initial thesis. My first final is about two weeks away and I’ve just about wrapped up my outlines and will begin reading statutes in earnest. I’m struggling to keep my renewed obsession with grades at bay so as to prevent anxiety to become all consuming. A hard lesson to relearn this fall: sometimes doing my best doesn’t really turn out so well. But I had a scary moment last weekend when I passed out and landed straight on my right knee. (Now it’s super black and blue.) Fortunately, someone found me right away and helped me back up, but that was a reminder that there must be something rattling on in my brain that I’m not really acknowledging on the surface when I’m running from class to class and breezing through countless reading assignments.
But overall, I can’t complain as there are things to look forward to. I turn 26 next week. I have a big dinner with law school friends and then Jeff rolls into town for a few days! And though I have to run to Tax shortly, it’s hard to be mad when I’m sitting here drinking coffee, eating frosted sugar cookies, and listening to Pizzicato Five.


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