grace under pressure

Picture 1022, originally uploaded by poohba02.

Ok, you know what I said before? About New Years resolutions? And how pointless they are because they always get broken? Well, I am SO there right now. I am almost through Week 1 of BarBri + work. I’d like to say that I’m taking things in stride, trying to be chipper, and embracing the next two months of bone-crushing hard work. But I’m not. I am beat. Eroded. Defeated. Unhappy.

I suspect that this is largely tied to some minor setbacks at work….or at least things that have happened that I could either a) choose to ignore and not over-analyze or b) read too much into the situation and thus question my reason for giving up my life in Seattle to move somewhere new and start all over again. Given that my defenses are down, I’m currently leaning towards the latter all the while knowing that I either a) am majorly over-reacting or b) will be able to redeem myself if I stop feeling so sorry for myself.

Truth be told, winter (even the ordinary kind), is really hard on me. It’s part of what made those three years in MN so bleak and why I had some serious misgivings about moving to Chicago. I know it sounds sorta wussy to be so overcome by the weather but something about the blistering cold and icy winds here really compound my feelings of doubt, fear, and isolation. I feel like I need to join a support group or something.

Sorry guys….2009 has not quite gotten the start that I’d hoped for. I know I’ll get through this somehow but I felt like I had shout into the void of the internets and get some of this angst off my chest. It’s made me feel a tiny bit better.


8 responses to “grace under pressure

  1. I think I get the same way when I am down. I tend to blame myself for not doing better. But really, at least you are showing some self-awareness.

  2. I’m new to your blog (thanks for the Flickr comments!) and I’ve enjoyed reading your past posts. I seem to share many of your tastes in fabric and quilting style! And since I hate to see someone feeling so down in the new year, I thought I’d ask if you’d be interested in participating in an online quilting bee. Maybe that will bring some smiles?! : ) Email or Flickrmail me if you want some more info …

  3. (Big Hug)from me and Melody! I wish that I could invite you over for a home made dinner. Food is a good mood lifter (even if it is temporary).

  4. It may not seem like it right now, but as they say, this too shall pass. And, it will. The sun will shine again. Until then, you aren’t alone. Even people you don’t know are sending you warm wishes and good vibes for better days ahead. 🙂

  5. introvertunleashed

    hey there. i have one suggestion, at least regarding winter. don’t laugh. my friend swears she survived boston by hitting a tanning bed for about 10 minutes every week or two. it’s not even enough to give you much of a tan. i have a lightbox at home, but the tanning bed seriously makes me feel like i just had my batteries recharged.

  6. Hello friends, old and new! Thank you for your kind words. They really brightened my day. It’s not the mature thing to do, but I think I needed to throw that little (online) tantrum.

    introvertunleashed, I have *seriously* consider the tanning option. I was going to investigate this weekend.

  7. ummm, promise me you’ll skip the tanning bed? skin cancer just isn’t worth it! there are far safer alternatives!!

  8. Honestly, if you can’t complain online, what good is it? :p. I hope 2009 gets a kick in its butt and gets better soon!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s