27.52: how do i explain?
The mind comparmentalizes a lot. At least mine does because really, if I thought about how everything works, how everything happens, and how everything comes together, my head might explode. Then life happens and it has this funny way of bringing all sorts of things front and center. Prior to this week, I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about how my joints work, how I might die, or who my friends really are. Those things weigh on my mind a lot now.

Last week, I left the office earlier than usual (about 5:30) to get to an appointment. I walked my usual route to the train, crossed the street, and then got hit by a car. What happens after that is a bit of a blur. I spent a scary night in the ER. It was really hard that night not being close to my family or closest friends. I hate that over three years into being here that I still feel totally adrift, that something like that could happen to me and that no one here would notice or care. It really makes me wonder if I made the right decision to stay here? More than anything that night I wanted moral support, I wanted a hug, I wanted someone to tell me I’m going to be just fine.

In the end, I reached a friend (though I was uncomfortable admitting that I needed his help and I was scared out of my skull) and he pulled through in surprising ways. He showed up. He waited patiently. He made sure I got home and he even got me a late dinner. But there was no hug and there was no “you’re gonna be just fine” because well, as much as I love B, he’s just not that kinda guy. I came home and passed out. The next day I got on a plane and flew to DC. I had dinner with the President. The next day I turned 32. I had dinner with four amazing ladies. The day after that I flew back to Chicago and I went right back to work. I came home and collapsed again. Don’t ask me how I did it? I think it was some combination of shock, sheer grit and determination, and me figuring that this might be my only chance ever to see the President of the United States.

I know I should be grateful that I’m alive. I know it could’ve been so much worse. But you know what? I’m tired. I’m hurting. I’m black and blue and I can’t really bend my knees. And frankly, I’m a little pissed off because (and I don’t mean to sound whiny) this past year has sucked a BIG FAT ONE and ending the year getting hit by a car frankly felt like getting kicked when I’m down.

I’m too scared now to think about what 32 might bring. I have to think it will beat 31. Mostly I hope it doesn’t kill me.


9 responses to “o__0

  1. you are due an infinite amount of good karma.


  2. I agree with C! it is certainly time for many, many really good things to come your way. I hope you’ll eventually get something somehow positive (clarification, reevaluation, etc) out of this, but seriously, in the meantime (and for as long as you want), I think you are totally justified in being a little grumpy about all of this. sending you happy fast-healing thoughts…

  3. Sara, you are amazing and strong and determined but that had to have been the scariest moment of your life. You did what you needed to do, and despite the pain you were feeling (physical, mental, emotional) you pushed through and moved on. You may not feel this way, but it’s frankly awe-inspiring. I send you a gentle virtual hug so as not to further bruise you :o)

  4. You certainly are one tough lady! It really has been an exceptional bad year but towards the end I’ve seen mostly very good things. A much better job, the most wonderful birthday dinner. I’m sure from now on it will get better and better! Perhaps things happen fir a reason. Only yesterday I got an email from somebody I don’t know but being a class representative I was on her list. The email was in Italian and I didn’t quite understand it, but at the end there was a quote in English. Normally I don’t quote much, but this seems so fitting for you (and everybody)

    “Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall at last unveil.” John Ruskin

    Take good care of yourself Sara! Enjoy the present even when bad things happen and don’t worry too much about the future

  5. Oh goodness me. Come on Karma! Be nicer to my friend Sara! Things will get better. Things will get better. Things will get better. Here’s a hug from me. xo And happy belated birthday. Molly

  6. You = awesome, Sara, for still being able to function this whole week! Agree with C 100%, 32 has to be a great one, you are very much due some good fortune and good luck.

    If it makes you feel any better I can’t bend my knee at the moment either. Arthritis is acting up. I never realize how much I bend my knee on a daily basis until I can’t! Feel better soon! 🙂

  7. Belated birthday wishes and hugs. Here’s looking to a fantastic new year!

  8. Hoping 32 proves to be amazing and wonderful like you so clearly deserve!

  9. OH MY GOODNESS. I am SO glad that you are ok. I am amazed that you were able to do all that after getting hit by a car! Happy belated birthday, and I am sure 32 has great things is store for you.

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